Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

I recently experienced a disagreement with my husband in which I had to be conscious of certain communication strategies so that the discussion would be productive instead of creating a breakdown. It was a conversation about my brother-in-law and his relationship with his girlfriend. I made a comment about the relationship which was not in favor of his girlfriend. My husband felt I was wrong for stating my opinion because the topic of discussion had nothing to do with his brother’s relationship, and I should have “stayed in my lane”. After reflecting on the interaction with my brother-in-law, I apologized to him (my brother-in-law) and explained it was wrong for me to assume anything about him and his girlfriend. In telling my husband that I apologized, he said I was wrong for my comment in the first place. In this moment, I wanted to react my normal way which is to become defensive (voiced raised, heightened emotions) because I felt like he was telling me I did something wrong in having/expressing an opinion. But, I thought about certain strategies that I have learned about and tried to implement those into the conversation. One strategy I used was I thought about the elements of NVC and took into consideration his feelings, needs, observations, and requests. I observed that his emotion level was rising in regards to a certain feeling he was having because his family is always judging him and commenting on everything he does in his life. With this identification, I realized it wasn’t a personal attack towards me.

                                           
    
Since I followed how he was feeling, I was able to look for a broader range of solutions to this disagreement and chose an appropriate channel in which to communicate with him. For example, although we were in each other’s presence, instead of walking away…I chose to speak calmly while clearly expressing my intent for this particular discussion (which was understanding) because I noticed that this topic was very sensitive for him. In that moment, emotionally, he was putting himself as the subject of the situation (putting himself in place of his brother) and reacted to me as if someone had commented on his relationship. In knowing this, I understood that he wasn’t getting upset at me…he was expressing himself defensively as if someone had made the comment to him and in taking a step back and knowing where his emotions were coming from, I responded accordingly. It proved to be a productive dialogue of understanding.

Who Am I As A Communicator?

When I think about the similarities and differences between how I evaluate myself as a communicator and how others evaluated me, I can honestly say I was quite pleased with the results! With the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale and the Listening Styles Profile, I was surprised that others evaluated me closely to how I saw myself. It is my opinion that, at times, we can have a "one-track" viewpoint about ourselves which makes it harder  to accept others opinions of what they perceive us to be. But, could it be  "perceptions of your self-efficacy may lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy--a prediction that causes you to change your behavior in a way that makes the prediction more likely to occur ...self-efficacy and self-fulfilling prophecy are thus related (O'Hair, 2015, p. 50-51)"? For example, the reason why others came to the same results as I did because I believe in certain traits about myself and my communication abilities and in return I "fulfill" or physically present this belief to those around me to the extent that they also believe?

This experience this week has told me that my evaluation of certain individuals is subconsciously based on the perceptions I have of myself and in return either encourage me to engage into communication with others or avoid the interaction all together. “…you have an overall view of all aspects of yourself (self-concept), as well as an evaluation of how you feel about yourself in a particular area at any given moment in time (self-esteem). Based on this information, you approach a communication situation with an eye toward the likelihood of presenting yourself effectively…these assessments of self are important before, during, and after you have communicated. You evaluate your expectations, execution, and outcomes in three ways: self-actualization, self-adequacy, and self-denigration (O’Hair, 2015, p. 450-51)”.

                                    
Monique Woodard

Reference

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J.  (2015). Real 
communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's. Chapter 2, "Perceiving the Self and Others" (pp. 45-62, beginning with "Cognitions About Ourselves").

Communication and Culture

When I think about the cultural diversity that I see in my neighborhood and workplace, I do find myself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures. To the extent that most people that I know or associate with would consider me "quiet". At times, I am so overwhelmed with the thought of interacting with people different than me (in general) that I just choose to say nothing at all. I can have an opinion or be familiar with the topic of conversation but since I don't want to intrude on another's interaction...I ultimately just simply observe and listen. But, with my family or those that I'm close with experience my authenticity in different degrees. I tend to react to how others carry themselves. For example, when I am around my closest family members and my husband (who are very blunt and expressive), I am comfortable with being my true self. I speak differently, I express my feelings more passionately, and I don't have to hide the core of who I am. However, with family members that portray themselves as being more reserved, I will become more reserved when interacting with them. With colleagues in the workplace, I speak accordingly. This means I am more proper, selective in the conversations I chose to participate in, and maintain a certain professionalism in my tone and delivery.

                                                

I communicate with certain individuals differently because my main focus when talking with those around me is to make them feel comfortable and understood. I have a lot of people whom confide in me because whatever that person tells me, I am not the one to judge nor the one to repeat what has been said. I always remain more of a listener than talker, which is one strategy that I can use to help me communicate more effectively with children, families, and colleagues from diverse backgrounds. Other strategies would be maintaining the Platinum Rule during conversation and continuously reminding myself to reflect on my tone of voice, my expressions, and other factors influencing my communication style.

                                                  

Communication Skills: Language, Nonverbal, Listening

The show that I chose to use to complete this post was: Sesame Street: Animals and Nature: Firefly Show. I chose this particular show because it incorporates a variety of characters (humans, puppets, and cartoons) and thought it would be exciting to watch a children's show where I couldn't read the lips (the puppets), only go by the characters nonverbal behavior. I thought it would be intriguing to try to figure out a scene's plot with only puppets communicating with each other! With props used by the puppets as well as the hand gestures of the people on the show, it portrayed an unspoken understanding of what was being discussed in a particular scene. For example, some of the characters would point to the screen which I assumed them trying to communicate with the television audience. The characters' relationships are based on cooperation and togetherness. In every scene, there are at least two characters whether it be a human and a puppet or two puppets or two humans always communicating with each other. They seem to ask questions, offer insight, and try to solve a problem together. 

                                            

 It was hard to understand their feeling without words but by their nonverbal behavior, the characters seemed to be happy, engaged in active listening, and respectful of those around them. In certain scenes, the puppets seemed perplexed because they could not find the firefly; however, the assumptions that I made about the characters and plot based on the ways in which I interpreted the communication I observed were accurate. The show did contain various scenes where they involved the television audience as well as depicted togetherness and cooperation. 

      

I do not  believe my assumptions would be more correct if I watched a show I was familiar with and/or different characters.

Competent Communication

I had an extremely hard time trying to find a person that demonstrates competent communication within a particular context because there were so many to choose from! I ultimately chose Lousie Derman-Sparks and Nadiyah Taylor. Lousie Derman-Sparks (Professor Emeritus and co-author of Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves as well as other texts) and Nadiyah Taylor (Department Coordinator and Professor of Early Childhood Development). These two women are from the Laureate Education multimedia presentations. In my professional opinion, they closely exhibited effective communication during their interviews.  I was intrigued with their dialogue, how they expressed their ideas effectively, they were respectively of each other and the topics in which they chose to highlight on kept my interest.

Louise Derman-Sparks

Nadiyah Taylor

                   
I would like to model some of my own communication behaviors after these two individuals. I want to effectively communicate my ideas while respectively acknowledging another's opinion (especially when different from mine!). I want to be in a position to understand the early childhood field thoroughly and able to speak on a vast number of topics while offering knowledge to those listening.